5 Ways to Feel Your Feelings | Good Vibe Blog

How to Feel Your Feelings

Deliberate creators have skills. Lots of skills!

We imagine, we believe, we focus, we chill … we’re really good at lots of stuff.

But one that’s missing from many of our manifesting resumes is how to feel our feelings fully.

Many of us do an about face whenever something negative pops up (be it thought or emotion). As in … “Ack! Don’t think that! Don’t feel that!”

But that practice doesn’t serve so well.

Because when we deny or ignore our feelings (which is especially easy to do if we’ve been well trained about the importance of feeling good) all we do is guarantee those “negative” emotions will hang around longer (in our body, in our vibration).

The fact is we’re human beings living real life – and those full range of emotions are part of the gig.

Some think conscious creation is about avoiding the negative feelings, so we don’t create more negative stuff. But all we end up doing is perpetuating and empowering whatever we resist. So getting friendly with your feelingsall of them – is a good manifesting skill.

Here’s what Abe said about it this month in Portland:

We’re not encouraging of you to maintain connection and alignment all day every day, because step one is as important a part of the process as step two or three.

Someone who says, ‘I want to be in alignment every single moment’ is someone who says, ‘I’ve given up expansion’.

So it’s not only okay to feel less than fabulous, it’s important to!

I love how Jennifer said it on my facebook page last week:

I may have been taking the ‘find a better feeling’ thing a little too literally, and not letting myself feel anything that hasn’t been hunky dorry… which just lets it sit and pile up.

Very true, my friend. And many of us do it.

But we’re a step ahead once we realize it’s happening, and understand the importance of letting ourselves feel whatever’s up. Not to live in it forever, but just to process whatever’s present.

It’s been said that not feeling our feelings is the source of much dysfunction in life (overeating, overworking, alcohol and drug abuse, etc).

In a recent newsletter, Michael Neill shared:

I don’t need to control my feelings to enjoy my life any more than I need to control the weather to enjoy my day. I am not a victim of the weather not because I can control it or avoid it, but because I can always work with it and through it. And I need not be a victim of my feelings not because I can control or avoid them, but because I can always work with them and through them.

When I’m not scared of my feelings, (because I don’t need to change them, avoid them, or act on them), I’m free to feel them fully. Unresisted sadness can be delicious; unbridled anger is like being one with a gale force wind.

Can you sense the liberation in being fully present to your feelings?  It’s a good one to have on board.

So with lots of good reasons to get better at this particular life skill, let’s cover 5 Ways to Feel Your Feelings:

1. First of all, it may be as simple as how Abraham instructs: “own it and get over it.” If that simple awareness prompt works you, let’s not complicate it!

For those who’ll benefit from more support than that …

2. Many coaches suggest journaling our feelings in order to better feel and process them. (A tried and true technique, even if it’s not my personal favorite.)

3. And some therapists recommend giving our feelings physical expression (scream into a pillow, hit a punching bag).

If that works for you, great!  If that’s not your style, let’s go here:

4. Since feeling your feelings is not a mental exercise, and it’s not to be used as a story telling opportunity, you can get a good handle on this by getting out of your head and “going south” – partnering up with your body for this work. Here’s how we do that …

First, be willing to accept your feelings, rather than judge yourself for having them.

Yes, it might not be “nice” to feel upset about something or to have inspirations of vengeance, but our first step is to be willing to be present to whatever emotions are up. Allow them. Without judgment.

(This in itself may allow the feelings to complete themselves.)

Second step, tune into your body.
Get quiet and notice where the energy of the emotion is in your physical body. Sense for where the energy of the feeling is in your body. Might be a tension in your shoulders, or a pit of fear in your belly. Maybe it feels like a darkness in your chest. As you tune in, you’ll feel it somewhere in there.

Wherever it is, focus your attention into that area in order to be present to it.
Tom Stone instructs us this way:

As you notice the energy of this feeling, you’ll become aware of an area where it’s more intense. Zoom in with your sense of feeling to notice where it’s most intense. Allow your awareness to penetrate down into it, to feel into it, just be completely present and in the very center of the most intense part of the energy of the feeling.

Even though it’s intense, you can be there. As you continue to feel into it, just by being there, it’s not uncommon that the intensity of the energy will change. Sometimes it’ll become more intense, but stay right in the center in the very heart of the most intense part of the energy of the feeling. That’s where it’s the safest. You’re not getting wrapped up in or getting lost in or succumbing to overwhelment of the feeling. It’s like a laser beam of awareness going down a vortex into the eye of the hurricane of the intensity of this feeling. The idea is to feel it so clearly that there’s nothing left to feel.

And that’s it.

It might take just a few minutes, or lots of them.

It’s important to know we’re not feeling our feelings to get rid of them. These feelings will likely complete themselves and dissipate as we become present to them, but not if we approach this process with the agenda of eliminating them.

The way out is actually in. Stone says,”We’re conditioned to go away from these negative feelings, but when you develop the habit of allowing them you become liberated.” I like to think of it as aligned.

Leigh Newman writes that “research has shown that when you sit with those clean, pure emotions like sadness or anger, they actually pass through you in about 90 seconds.” So if you can just be with it and say, “I can handle this feeling,” it will burn up and dissipate. This doesn’t mean you’ll be over your breakup or your dog’s death in 90 seconds. That emotion is going to come back. But the more you let yourself feel those minute-and-a-half hells, the quicker you’ll start feeling those minute-and-a-half happinesses.

That’s my personal favorite approach, but if you still feel challenged about how to feel your feelings, try thinking of it this way:

5. Imagine a dear friend comes to you with something they’re struggling with. The first thing you would do with this friend is hear them out. You would listen.

You would let them share. You’d be open, non-judging, and safe for them to share with.

Your feelings are that friend. They just want you to be present, they want to be heard, and you don’t have to take any action to resolve them. Just your allowing them is the gift they want from you.

That doesn’t mean we have to wallow in them for days, either. We listen and let go. That’s not so hard, right?

For those of you who are good at feeling your feelings fully, will you share your tips and encouragement with us? Thanks in advance!

  • August 19, 2012
  • Savannah says:

    I started exploring the Sedona Method a few months ago and I have to say that it has gotten me through some stressful situations. The reason I bring this up is that there’s a part of it where you have to welcome and be at peace with the feeling that you are having.
    My beautiful 16 year old cat was having some health issues and I was not sleeping through the night once; every time I woke up, I would go through the process of welcoming and embracing the fear that I had – or the frustration at the vet or the meds not working quicker, or even the fleeting desire of wanting it to all be over – and I would feel it. And then I would release it. Every time, I fell back asleep easily and quickly.
    Yes, I was angry and scared, and sometimes incredibly guilty, but I do think that instead of trying to brush them aside and entertain my head with something else, turning around and hugging the hell out of guilt and fear, seeing and hearing it, really made a difference.
    Of course, trying to remember to do through that process is hard sometimes, and then other times I just feel stubborn and 12 and I have to embrace “this sucks and I hate it” before I can get to the big stuff, but I’m a work in progress. That’s okay too.

  • Savannah, what a beautiful example you offer!
    “… welcome and be at peace with the feeling that you are having” – well said! I also love your willingness to just acknowledge it when it sucks and we don’t like it! I don’t know much about enlightenment, but this seems a required element for it.
    Thanks for posting! 🙂

  • Erin says:

    As usual, Jeannette, RIGHT ON TIME!!!! Thank you so much!! I love the reminder that when we FEEL the feelings that are painful, they generally dissipate on their own and leave a CLEAN SLATE from which to create anew. Of course, some feelings feel better than others, but all are part of the human spectrum- surely our souls wanted a taste of it all. Now…on to the delicious…

  • “Surely our souls wanted a taste of it all.”
    Erin – you have no idea how much I feel that statement as TRUTH! Kim Falconer’s Spell of Rosette was written with a consciousness raising spell in it (which I didn’t know when I read it). The first night after I started the book, I had a dream that basically confirmed what you just said.
    In this incredible dream EVERYTHING that could happen to a human happened to me – iALL of it – the good, the bad and the ugly. I was betrayed, and I betrayed. I loved and I lost. I murdered and was murdered. Only in a dream, of course, can all of this happen at once – where I was young and old and male and female and powerless and powerful. It was ridiculously cool. Not bad or scary in any way, although the hurt was real when I hurt. But it wasn’t a bad thing? It was so weird.
    And it was at the end of the dream, where I was betrayed by my love – that was the last thing that happened to complete the full human experience – it was then that I finally felt satisfaction and fulfillment like I have NEVER known. EVER! Never felt it like that before! (And I’m no stranger to those feelings!)
    It was because I had felt and experienced ALL of it. It was just the most incredible dream ever. (When I told Kim about it, she said, “Oh, that! Yeah, I wrote a consciousness raising spell into the book.” lol) I’d SAY!!!!
    So yeah, what you said!! Our souls wanted a taste of it all. 🙂

  • Cat says:

    Oh my God, I TOTALLY needed this two days ago — and of course the Universe delivered it to me AFTER I’d gotten back in alignment to receive it. 🙂 Thanks, Jeannette, for being the agent! I always love how paradox can be so freeing and expanding, and your suggestion to NOT pivot so quickly was just the paradox that might help me next time I’m in one of those frustrating “why-am-I-not-in-the-Vortex!?” moments. Acceptance is In The Vortex too. I have a feeling that this new idea will be percolating in me for quite a while… (Yay!)

  • Oooh, I agree, Cat. Acceptance IS part of our journey back into the vortex.
    I also appreciate your comments about paradox … I think I heard Bashar recently say something like the highest truths are paradoxical. This would definitely be on of them, huh?
    Thanks for posting, Cat! 🙂

  • Mary W. says:

    This article spoke to me! So basically, if we pretend to be in a state of perpetual bliss, our feelings get bottled up, which is not only unhealthy for our bodies, but causes us to stagnate as a whole. Solution? Accept and feel your feelings. Ask yourself what desires spring from them. Gradually begin to feel grateful for what they are showing you and continue manifesting from that point.
    In a nutshell, dissatisfied feelings lead to new desires, which lead to new visions, which lead to feelings of inspiration, which lead to new focus, new manifestations and ultimately, growth and expansion of who we are as a whole.

  • Cate says:

    Spot on. In my exploring LAW and all the help from you and this site, I was also going by what I have learned on my own. My feelings are my guidance system. They must be felt, acknowledged and passed through in order to transform into something better. Kim F. tells the story of two goddesses who are twin sisters that is fundamental to living this way–I haven’t had coffee yet and can’t remember their names but I’ll try to come back to this.
    Anyway, thanks!

  • Well said, Mary W! I appreciate your succinct way of putting it.
    Let’s hear it for new desires!! ha ha
    And Cate, maybe we can ask Kim that story on today’s call! What your post made me think about is the value of feelings as our guidance system. As in, how ridiculous would it be to expect the car GPS system to be reporting to us constantly “you’re there,” “you’re there,” “you’re there.” (Or whatever they say – you can tell I don’t use one often.)
    But if we really valued the guidance system, we would LISTEN. We would acknowledge, and we would use that information appropriately.
    Same with our feelings, right?
    I’m loving that analogy – thanks for the inspiration, Cate!

  • I’m getting some really great notes from readers who are sharing some common experiences. Either they’re really good at feeling the feelings and slow to pivot to the desire, or the opposite: quick to pivot and not do justice to the feeling.
    Recognizing both elements as a powerful part of a manifesting practice is sure to serve us, I believe.

  • Sara Exley says:

    BEAUTIFUL!!! This is exactly the kind of practice that has helped me align and allow more. One of the best things I learned this last year is that “all feelings are valid, just not all conclusions are accurate.”
    Learning how to validate my feelings before I question the story has been revolutionary for me. It doesn’t matter how much thought work I do on a topic, if I’m not allowing my hurts and angers to be valid, I’m more likely to hold onto the thoughts that keep the feelings stuck. Sounds contradictory, but I’ve found that this actually has allowed me more access to the mature, authentic, Source part of me that knows my Wholeness. And when I’m connected with THAT, staying stuck is just not an option….but it starts with validating those hurts. I know Abraham says this about moving up the scale, just perhaps in different words. But boy, hearing that wording of feelings being “valid” – that’s what really made it click for me. Thanks for writing about this!

  • Sara, you’re hitting on something really powerful with that – VALIDATION. I think that’s exactly what’s missing in many of our deliberate creator practices – validation of our own feelings. Thanks for that spotlight.
    I know this from my own conversations – sometimes I don’t want coaching (I talk to a lot of gifted coaches regularly). Sometimes I just want someone to say, “You’re right, that sucks.” And as soon as that validation is so strongly present, I feel a lot better! I guess the key for me is learning that I don’t need someone else to agree with me in order for my OWN feelings to be valid.
    Thanks for posting, girlfriend.

  • Hi,
    Very timely post. Just as I opened my inbox to see what’s in store for me this week I felt an immense sadness and disappointment. Just as I was wondering how to process this, your post appeared in my pulse reader.
    All emotions, even the dark ones should be embrassed and processed. It helps to remember that we loa people are human too.
    Thanks for your advise.

  • Ron, I’m glad it helped! I don’t know what a pulse reader is, but I have wondered if people accessed good vibe blog with that rss stuff.
    Anyway, your comment made me think about how some folks are nervous that if they DO allow themselves to feel those “negative” feelings fully (and I have to put negative in quotes ever since that dream from Kim Falconer), they’re nervous that if they embrace them, they’ll sink deeper in and never get out.
    So with that belief on board it’s natural to resist those feelings!
    In fact, right now I’m reading a biography of Marilyn Monroe (by Taraborrelli) where the author shares how Marilyn was doing really well earlier in her life when she was practicing the Christian Science (positive thought) techniques that her mom and aunt were into. But once she started getting therapy (as was recommended for her professional development), she experienced depression that she couldn’t shake. (At one point she was seeing her therapist daily which they said made it impossible for her to escape the negative thoughts & feelings that came up as she dug through her past.)
    Anyway, I was thinking that exploring her unresolved childhood issues didn’t seem to do her much good – but that’s probably because there wasn’t ever any MOVING ON from it. They took her back to that place time and time again – here’s a quote from the book:
    Her half-sister Berniece “pinpointed a major problem in her (Marilyn). All of that therapy had definitely caused her to think and rethink every move she made. Everything had to be the orchestrated result of looking within in a quest to develop her inner life. That would have been fine had she not at the same time been constantly coached to conjure up bad memories. As a result, she was miserable much of the time. Ironically, from outward appearances, anyway, she had little reason to be in pain at this time in her life. She was on top of the world. She was a success. She had money. She had an interesting and challenging role in what could become a very good movie. However, she also had a new therapist on the west coast – and that was the problem. She would constantly ruminate over her sad childhood, her troubled relationship with Gladys (her mom), her arranged marriage to Jim Dougherty, the nightmare of Joe DiMaggio, and anything else that could be dredged up from her past. Whether drawing from it as an actress for her role in Bus Stop or as a woman for her self-improvement, she always found herself in a terribly dark place, never moving past it.”
    This reminds me of Abraham’s quote: “Own it and get over it.” We don’t live there! We feel the feelings, process them, and move on.
    This is easy for me to say, though, because I’ve never been deeply depressed. I suspect my business partner Lisa would say it’s a different story when the brain chemistry is off.
    Or maybe in Marilyn’s case it was that it was being approached from a mental/intellectual aspect – and not using the body to actually feel the feelings. “This is not a story telling opportunity” – that was one of my favorite quotes from a source when I was researching for this post.
    Shoot, now this comment is long enough to be a post in itself. ! lol

  • Nicole says:

    For some reason this video came up for me today after reading this post, and its very fitting! I’m dying laughing, but honestly I feel like David Hassellhoff today!
    Jeannette – This is post is amazing as usual! I’m so glad you are validating the truth in feeling all of your emotions, and not swallowing them down where they can fester.
    Thank you, thank you!

  • This is timely for me as just a while ago I was feeling like I was going to explode from some emotions. I tried some EFT to shift it and while it felt better for a little bit, they came back. So I decided to just feel them. Ended up going for a drive, even though it is 2 am where I am (and I’m not at home – out of town for my aunt’s funeral – which her death is part of the reason for the restlessness and feeling like I’m going to explode).
    So yes, sometimes your emotions are not wanting/able to move and shift exactly in that moment. And it’s ok to be ok with that. Sometimes you just feel like crap and that’s ok. Because as Stuart Smalley used to say, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And gosh darn it, people like me!” Ok, that had nothing to do with anything, but it made me grin to type it out. Well, wait, Stuart did used to always say, “and that’s…OK.” I think I’m going to go dig up a youtube clip of some old Stuart Smalley sketches.

  • Brian says:

    Larry Crane the captain of -The Release Technique-ship says that all feelings just want to be felt and then released. He says to put your chin towars your chest, that will help disengage the mind, and just feel the feeling coming up and out of you. He says the natural flow of feelings is to be released, it’s the mind that does stuff to keep the feeling in you.
    If after doing this you still have negative feelings it’s because there are layers/ aspects of these feelings. Just keep letting them go, usually escaping from you from your chest or back.
    I can’t say it worked all that great for me but it helped.

  • Christina says:

    The first time hubby and I went to couples counseling, I was explaining why I felt upset and hurt and the counselor stopped me and asked, “Why do you feel you need to apologize for your feelings?”
    I hadn’t realized I’d been doing that, but it was true. I felt I had to justify how I felt, as if it wasn’t valid unless there was a reason for it. But sometimes there isn’t a reason. Sometimes I’m just pissed off, or feel like crying, or I’m happy or sad and it just is.
    I did have a “crazy day” last week after working on our budget and realizing that half of our vacation money for September was gone. It was just gone, spent on who knows what as well as the loss of some income from hubby’s hours being cut to his minimum. That brought back past vacations that had been canceled because of a high heating bill or a sudden car repair and I flipped out. Hubby tried to help me feel better, but you can’t make someone feel better. I had work my way through it. I put on my sweats, closed the door the bedroom, sat in there alone and read my book. I didn’t want any company, any consolation. I wanted to be alone in my misery and anger.
    After a good night’s sleep, I was able to see the issue more clearly and discuss it without being worked up. A way to earn the money back fell into our laps almost immediately and the vacation is still on.
    Some of you said that feelings are your guidance system. Sometimes, though, I can’t trust my feelings. During a crazy day, for example, I say things or do things I don’t really mean. How do you know when your feelings are genuine and guiding you and how do you know when your feelings are arising from circumstances and are a reaction to those circumstances?

  • Carrie says:

    A few days ago, I was told that a neighbor’s dog died of leukemia. I shared a small chain link fence with this neighbor and I loved loved loved Buddha bear, the dog. I have known him for many years.
    I was surprised at how much I cried and grieved for him yesterday, and I really let it out. This morning I felt what could only be described as Buddha’s love coming into my heart like a gift from him. I think when I cried, it made room for this love to come in.

  • Sara Exley says:

    Oh my gosh, I have SO much to add to what you said Christina about how to decipher and discern feelings as guidance or reaction. This is actually something that I’ve been learning to do, and it’s incredibly helpful. It has a lot to do with noticing whether my feelings have to do with past pain or pure in the present. I don’t have time to elaborate on it at the moment, but at some point I will either come back here and say more or perhaps share something on the GVU page. It’s been so powerful for me to be able to clearly recognize whether my feelings are pure guidance in the moment or a self-protecting mechanism due to past stuff.
    Jeannette, I SO agree with everything you said about validation. I can’t say enough about what learning to validate my feelings has done for me and creation process. I think it’s a common paradoxical misconception that if we validate our feelings that it means we’ll cling to them as truth. Totally the opposite in my experience. Thanks again for opening this topic up, Jeannette!

  • Maia says:

    Hello. Such a lovely blog, I come here almost every day, whenever I want to feel better hehe! I have a friend who is really into New Agey sort of stuff, and I was telling her about the importance of acknowledging her negative feelings too, and not go about all the time pretending that she is always all the time love and light and joy. She told me she is not pretending, when she feels any sort of negative emotion she just says a prayer to G’d along the lines of: G’d I have been feeling X negative emotion, please take it away from me and convert it into joy and light. She says it works every time, she stops feeling the negative emotion, just like that, and she feels full of light again. What is your opinion about that sort of practice? I really don’t understand, how can you just stop feeling a feeling just like that? Does she possess some secret that the rest of us aren’t aware of?

  • Love this: “I can always work with it and through it. And I need not be a victim of my feelings not because I can control or avoid them, but because I can always work with them and through them.”
    Avoidance of our feelings doesn’t work, but seeing our feelings as a flow, a dance, a rhythm to play with rather than something to fight against, makes it not just bearable but, often, pure pleasure. Even when it’s hard.

  • Terri C says:

    What a tremendously valuable exploration of “how-to” suggestions…and isn’t it ironic that we need guidance to reconnect with our bodies in order to let e-motion (just energy, right?) run through us. Thanks for the variety of different approaches.
    I especially liked Michael Neill’s words “when I’m not scared of them.” That is one of my tip-offs – along with words like “overwhelmed”, “so much bigger” than I can deal with and the dreaded sense of falling into the bottomless pit. Those are all cues to me that whatever is going on now has bumped into or triggered stuff from childhood – kids don’t have the developmental ability to process and I don’t know many of us (no matter how great our parents are) relating stories of supported tantrums or encouraged in crying sessions. As kids that’s all we’ve got, so those are my cues I’m dealing with a little one: changes my whole approach – I don’t need to know why I’m sad, mad, frustrated and just need to hear what wasn’t heard:and I am KIND when I am listening to a little one – so I say things like that is ok sweetheart, what do you want me to hear? And I practice patience, lovingkindness and sometimes it is sadness that is tears, or some kind of “I don’t like this” anger and I don’t know why and I don’t have to – so my triggers show up and this allows me to get the old unheard, “oomph” out of the way. Took a lot of my resistance out of stopping my feelings as I stopped being afraid then. With my “grown-up” stuff, I move my body in some way.
    I loved James Levine’s explanation of how we would be so much healthier if we were like our pets. (And those of us with pets know this anyway, I think.lol) Dogs may tangle for alpha dog status in the pack, and when the battle is over, they often shake uncontrollably, and move on. Levine pointed out a typical human response, where we narrowly avoid an accident when someone cuts us off, maybe pull off by the side of the road, start to shake from the relief and release but before we finish, we immediately go back into our heads to cuss out that reckless driver so we are still holding the tightness in our muscles because our heads jump into the game to take over, and stopped the completion, release.
    So I remember that, and find a way to finish letting those feelings out – and so true, the ninety seconds can really empty out.
    And I always ask for the gift, the message, what do you want me to know here? Not being kind to myself, boundaries violated or I’m on auto-pilot doing things I don’t want to do are my biggies. And that is what I hear – so I can notice the scenario before I set it up again. And I start to learn and trust my bodies feelings as wise guidance.
    Wow – wrote a book here, didn’t intend to. Has just made such a difference in my life being able to treat all my feelings as friends wanting to tip me off in advance. The coolest thing is noticing in the body then: stomach drop sensation when the tip off is betrayal my body is picking up; headache starting if I have been treating others needs as more important than my own, ie., not taking care of my rest, play, nourishing needs.
    Hope this helps someone else; just so essential for me and has made such a huge difference in my life, I want to spread that ease. Thanks for letting me be passionate (and wordy)! Blessings to all. xo

  • CharmingN says:

    I’m the marketing assistant for Robert Scheinfeld, a NY Times bestselling author who just wrote a new book on how to be happy. It’s called “The Ultimate Key To Happiness.” It offers a v-e-r-y different approach to defining what happiness really is, and a very different step-by-step path to experience it all the time, no matter what’s going on around you. The Internet has gotten so complex. So many options. Can anyone here share ideas for how to get the word out there about this important new book? I’d love to hear your ideas. I’m sure there are tons of ideas I’ve never thought of before.

  • Leanne says:

    This is such an important lesson and usually one we only learn when we’ve suffered immensely from NOT doing it. Why don’t they teach this in schools? Probably because they don’t know it either. We spend so much time trying to make each other feel better and criticising each other for not feeling they we we ‘should’ feel. We could make it a whole lot easier on ourselves if we recognised that feelings aren’t there to be fixed, they just need acknowledgement!

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